Sometimes the Lesson is the Leaving

What no one tells you about outgrowing people, places, and plans

//写完了好耶

//虽然拖到了11:58分

//放心我不会迟到，明天司机会来接我

//还有财务长今天早上就出差了，我们跑财务长办公室去。

//财务长不在了我以后可以给你顺点吃的过去

//要是你老板也不在公司，我甚至还可以在办公室偷偷吃泡面

//嘿嘿想想就高兴，我最爱吃泡面了

You know that feeling when you’re trying to open a jar and you twist and twist until your wrists hurt and nothing happens? Then someone else walks over, gives it one quick turn, and pop — off it comes. You were doing everything right except for one thing. You were holding on too tight.

• May be Maybe you have the same feeling that when you are trying to open a jar and you do the same movement again and again until you hurt yourself and get nothing. And then other person may be your neighbor takes the jar and just turns it quickly. The jar was opened. Anything Everything that you do on it was wrong? Not at all, you just hold it too tight.
• Maybe and May be
  • maybe：可能性
  • may be：对错
• Action and Movement
  • action：更抽象
  • movement：更具象，动作或运动的过程

Life works the same way many times. We grip so hard / we can’t see / what’s right in front of us.

• You must have guessed what I want to say that the The real life works as in the same way. The thing is that right in front of us hides while we grip so hard.

There’s this thing that happens to people. They get stuck. Not physically stuck like your car in snow, but stuck in patterns that stopped working years ago. Stuck in jobs that drain them. Stuck with people who make them smaller. Stuck in cities that feel like wearing clothes that don’t fit anymore.

• People get stuck when this thing happens It happens to people that they get stuck. But not be stuck by anything outside external, they stuck themselves but by their own brains give up to work about out this. Too heavy work drain them, it is likes that hard-work make them smaller and make their clothes can’t fit anymore in this city. People who make them smaller were stuck in this cities that feel like wearing clothes that don’t fit anymore. People were stuck in jobs, relationships and cities. Jobs make them feel drained , relationships make them feel smaller, cities make them feel like wear wearing a clothes which were not fit anymore.
• outside and external
  • outside：抽象或具像的外部
  • external：系统意义上的外部

And then something happens. Maybe they get fired. Maybe the relationship ends. Maybe the lease runs out and the landlord won’t renew. What feels like failure might just be life doing them a favor they couldn’t do for themselves.

• When something unstable happens in peaceful life, such as have to find a other another job, have to find a other another friend, have to find a other another place to live, there kinds of failures help them to do what they couldn’t to do for themselves.
• 一般来说遇到happen都要加s，比如what、anything、nobody、something

The hardest part about leaving isn’t the leaving itself. It’s admitting you should have left sooner.

• It is the hardest part that admitting you should left sooner, but not leaving itself.

The title was accidentally deleted

Psychologists call it the sunk cost fallacy, but you don’t need to study psychology to get it. I’ll make it easy for you. You have already put five years into this job, three years into this relationship, ten years in this town. Walking away feels like admitting those years were wasted.

• Here is a psychological theory that you can learn without any academic knowledge. You can call It is called sunk cost fallacy. In simple terms, if people put lots of years into a job, a relationship or a town, and after they choose to walking away, it feels like the time was wasted.
• lots of = a lot of 完全一样

But here’s what they don’t tell you in business school or therapy or wherever people learn these things. Those years were not wasted if they taught you what you don’t want.

• The reason why it is fallacy is that those years weren’t wasted if people can know what they don’t want. People wouldn’t learn about this when they study in the university such as from business school or therapy.

6月24更新

Think about it like this. You go to a restaurant and order something that sounds good on the menu. It arrives and tastes like cardboard soaked in regret. Do you finish the whole plate because you already paid for it? Some people do. They sit there chewing through disappointment because the money’s already gone.

• Will you continue to eat the food when you find that you ordered something look like looks good on the menu but eat tastes like moldy dough? Some people will, just because they have already paid for that.

Smart people push the plate away and order something else.

The fear of starting over keeps more people trapped than any external force ever could. Starting over means admitting you don’t know what you’re doing. It means looking foolish. It means other people might think you’re flaky or unstable or can’t make up your mind.

• The reason that fear of restart is that it may prove that people who want to do it look like foolish and don’t understand what they are doing. And then the result is that people others might think they are unstable or unreliable. This reason is more serious than any other external reason.

Here is the thing about other people’s opinions. Most of them are too busy worrying about their own lives to spend much time judging yours. And the ones who do judge? They’re usually the ones too scared to make changes in their own lives. Misery loves company, but it especially loves company that stays miserable.

• I think you may hear that misery loves company, but it especially loves company that stays miserable. This sentence is used to judge people who usually judge other’s live style. The reason is that they are fear to make a choice to change their own life lives. Most of people do not have enough time to judge others.
• 啥必
• xx游戏有啥必玩的东西吗
• 有的，我们啥必也是要玩游戏的

Money makes everything more complicated.

You can’t just walk away from a paycheck, even if that paycheck comes with a side of soul death. Bills don’t care about your personal growth journey.

• People cannot just resign and leave, even if your job are consistent make you rot. Your bills like a vulture which is consistent eating your rot body and it will continue to eat your fresh body if you give up your job.

• 补充：a side of 有“配菜”、“附带物”的意思

But staying in the wrong situation has costs too. There’s the opportunity cost of not pursuing something better. There’s the health cost of stress and unhappiness. There is the relationship cost when you’re so drained from your day job that you have nothing left for the people you actually care about.

• There are many negative costs if people stay in a bad situation, such as missing chances, healthy problems, emotional problems and risks at relationships which you may feel work up everyday and have no time to communicate care with your friends about others.

Sometimes the most expensive thing you can do is stay where you are.

This doesn’t mean you should quit your job tomorrow and become a street musician. Unless you want to, in which case more power to you. It means you should start doing the math on what staying is really costing you.

• If you are not really enjoy being a street musician, please count the cost of staying.
• enjoy doing sth.

Add up the therapy bills from job stress. The drinks you need to unwind. The vacation days you use just to recover from being at work. The raises you don’t ask for because you’ve given up. The ideas you don’t pursue because you’re too tired.

• Something about As for cost, your therapy cost from job stress and your drink cost from insomnia problem. Something about As for opportunities cost, your unattainable raises, your unattainable ideas and the vacation you have to recover from job stress.

/ 五个

Now compare that to the cost of leaving. Yes, there will be some lean months. Yes, you might have to move somewhere cheaper or give up some luxuries. But lean months end. Soul death is forever, or at least until you do something about it.

• If you compare it to the cost of leaving, you would find how much your soul is how what gap between leave leaving and stay staying. Right, you may have to live and use cheaper, but you can run away from the soul decayed, at least until you start.

We are taught that quitters never win and winners never quit

and all that motivational poster nonsense!

But the most successful people you know are probably serial quitters. They just don’t call it that.

• Although they don’t call themselves as “serial quitters”, the most successful people are like this.
• //前面的they指的是后面的successful people，后面的this指的是前面的serial quitters，形成两面包夹芝士，我太棒了。

They call it pivoting. Or finding a better opportunity. Or following their passion. Same action, better marketing.

• Of course the name called from they called is more beautiful, such as “pivoting”, “better opportunity” or ” following passion”. But the their action is the same , just better marketing.
• might may would could can should 以及 反义

The trick is knowing when to quit and how to quit. There’s a difference between running away from something and running toward something. One is fear-based, the other is strategy.

• People should learning learn about when to quit and how to quit. The different difference between them is fear and strategy, or in everyday language, is that running away and running toward.

Running away looks like storming out of your job in a rage, burning bridges, moving to another city without a plan, cutting off everyone you know because you’re mad at the world.

• Please remember that you are leaving but not escaping. Do not move to another city without any plan. It looks like you want to burning the road, killing everyone you know in your mind.
• Running away means storming out of a job in rage, burning bridges, moving cities without a plan, or cutting everyone off in anger at the world. （from Deepseek)

/ 十个

Running toward looks like identifying what you want, making a plan to get it, building the bridges you’ll need, and then making your move when you’re ready.

• How close to your goal is how to identify what you want. Making a plan, building the bridges and doing action when you are ready.

Both involve leaving, but only one sets you up for success.

Sometimes you can’t fix something from the inside.

You can’t reform a toxic workplace by being a better employee. You can’t save a dying relationship by loving harder. You can’t make a city feel like home by trying to appreciate it more.

• Most of people can not change situation by themselves. It just likes p People cannot use love appreciate to make a city better, cannot just good care to save a broken relationship and cannot use high productive to improve workplace.

There are systems and situations that are broken by design. They work for someone, just not for you. And that’s not a personal failing. That is just… how things are.

• This society is not perfection, many bad design and many bad situations. The only thing that people can do is to tell ourselves themselves that it is not personal problem, it just how things are.
• 明天干活 + 新概念四篇

The corporate world is full of companies that promote people who look and think like the executives. If you don’t fit that mold, you can work twice as hard and get half as far. You can develop all the skills and make all the connections and still hit the same ceiling over and over.

• If people do not fit the mold which they work in, they would get half by twice work. A good example is that some companies promote people who own same think methods to be whose mind like a manager. We can fix it by developing skills, building connections or other things that can help to you grow in every way.
• help to do

You can stay and fight the system. Some people should. Some people are built for that kind of battle and the world needs them.

But you can also leave and build something better somewhere else. Both are valid choices…one is not more noble than the other.

• People can stay and fight in the system which have many problems but people can also leave that system and find something better to build our own lifestyle. Our society need people who are good at fighting but just find another better lifestyle is good. There is no better choice, no worse choice.
• be good at doing

/ 十五个和第十六个

The ripple effect of leaving

Something really interesting happens when you leave a situation that’s wrong for you. Other people start wondering if they should leave too.

• Many would also think about leaving when they find others have left from the wrong situation.
• others 其他人
• another 另一个（泛指）
• the other 另一个（特指）
• other
• others

Your decision gives them permission to consider their own dissatisfaction. Your courage makes their courage possible. This is why toxic workplaces hate it when good people quit. It’s not just losing one person. It’s the risk that others will follow.

• Your courage can make others full of inspiring and think about whether the situation is satisfactory or not. That The reason that companies fear the good employees quit, it is a risk that others may follow them.
• inspiring 鼓舞人心的，激励人的
• satisfaction –> satisfactory –> 满意的

This is also why your family and friends might not be enthusiastic about your decision to quit something. Not because they don’t want you to be happy, but because your happiness might require them to examine their own choices. And maybe they’re not ready for that conversation yet.

• People who you care might not support your choice if they would not ready for thinking about their own choice again. Your choice might push them to think about this do it.

Don’t let their fear become your prison.

Like anything else, leaving gets easier with practice.

The first time you quit a job or end a relationship or move to a new place, it feels like jumping off a cliff. Your body doesn’t know the difference between real danger and change. Both trigger the same fight-or-flight response.

• It is hard for your body to difference distinguish between real danger and change when you give up quit your jobs or any other important thing. Because the response for them is same.
• give up 是被动的放弃
• quit 是主动的离开

/ 二十个

But each time you quit something that’s not working and survive — more than survive, thrive — you build evidence that you can handle change. You develop what you might call the leaving muscle.

People with strong leaving muscles are not commitment-phobic. They’re just selective. They know the difference between a rough patch and a dead end. They understand that loyalty to the wrong thing is just a slower form of self-destruction.

• The different difference between “strong leaving muscles” and “commitment-phobic” when people leave leaving is that the former is faces facing a dead end while the later is faces a rough patch. Or you can say that people would cook thoroughly themselves if they choice set a wrong water temperature and keep it on.
• different adj. 不同的
• difference n. 不同
• differentiate v. 使不同
• while 用于对比
• be动词后面的动词一般是 v.ing, v.ed, to v. (少见）

Nobody can guarantee that quitting something you don’t align with will make everything better.

Nah…our life doesn’t work that way. Because there are no perfect jobs, perfect relationships, or perfect places to live. Everything comes with trade-offs.

But here is what leaving can guarantee. It can guarantee that you’ll stop getting the results you’re getting now. If those results aren’t working for you, that’s progress.

• Everything comes with trade-offs, because everything in this world is not perfect. Nobody knows whether you can get better or not when you choice choose leaving, but we can know that leaving can ensure you are liberate by free from meaningless things which you have had to do before.
  
• choose v.
• choice n.

The unknown is scary because it’s unknown. But the known can be scarier when you know it’s slowly killing you.

• Unknown is scary but the known is can be scarier if you know how it slowly eating you.

Sometimes the lesson is not how to make things work. Sometimes the lesson is sensing when they can’t work and having the wisdom to walk away.

• To know sense your feeling and leave when things can’t work, it is more important than know knowing how to make things work.
• sense 是感官
• feeling 是感觉

/ 二十六个

Sometimes the lesson is the leaving.

The jar opens when you stop gripping so tight. Your life might too.